It's Too Stiff
by screammealullaby
Summary: Arthur insists Alfred's old suit is not longer presentable and takes him shopping for a new one. Alfred hates shopping, especially for a stiff suit, but manages to make it entertaining  UsUk Warnings, inside


**Boyxboy yaoi ahead! But you know that, that's why you're in the rated M section reading something with the tags of 'England/America' and 'romance' correct? Enjoy~**

"It's like I tell you all the bloody time, you need a good suit in your closet and your old one is just that; old. It's not presentable anymore!" Arthur's frustration is surfacing as he drives, a certain American in his passenger seat _complaining._

"But I finally got it broke in!" Alfred whines. "It's comfier now!"

"You're such a child!" Arthur slaps his steering wheel, straightening his arms so he's pressed against his seat.

"Chill dude, I just don't feel like shopping for a new suit. There's nothing wrong with mine!" His head falls back and he closes his eyes in a pout.

Arthur quickly turns into a parking place of a fancy looking store; a rather big one at that. Alfred releases a rather childish sigh as he rolls out of the car. "Can we get lunch first?" He pries, attempting to postpone the bothersome trip.

"It's not lunchtime you prat! It's two in the afternoon!" Arthur snaps, dragging the larger male by the arm. "The sooner we find you a suit, the sooner I'll be rid of your foul self."

"Aw Artie, you don't mean that!" Alfred whines, slowing down his pace. The Brit rolls his eyes and drops his hold on his arm, proceeding to walk through the entrance of the store. The American has no choice but to hurry after him. "You're so pissy today, can't we do this on a day you're happy? You know, as in, never?" He is promptly smacked in the back of the head.

"Oh, hello Arthur!" A beautiful young girl walks up to the pair. She obviously works there.

"Oh, hello there! How are you on this beautiful day?" His charming facade is enforced by a fake smile.

She falls for the act, a slight blush tinting her face as if he'd called _her_ beautiful. "I'm wonderful! How's our best customer? Here for another Italian suit? It was rather dashing on you..." She looks away, face reddening more and Arthur seems oblivious to it.

Alfred isn't. He watches her every move, slightly perturbed at how they're both acting. Does Arthur have a history with her...? He himself reddens in the face, slightly...jealous? No, he doesn't care about Arthur like that! He shakes the thought away and watches them some more.

"No, not today! Today I'm here because of this yank," He elbows Alfred with another fake laugh. "He can't seem to keep a suit fit to be worn in public." They both laugh and Alfred rolls his eyes. _What the hell is the point?_ The American doesn't like being made fun of, he's the hero!

"Well, feel free to look around, let me know if you need help! From what you've said, I can assume you don't want the bother of ordering anything custom?" She giggles and Arthur smiles brightly.

"Definitely not, it's not worth it for this one." He pats Alfred on the back and waves her off with a wink as they walk away.

Alfred says nothing as they walk away, but instead focuses on the store. There must be 20 dressing rooms and 2 floors, music is playing and there are people here and there though it's not terribly busy.

"Alright," Arthur breaks his thoughts. "See absolutely anything you like? Money is no object, just find _something_ you'll wear."

Alfred nods, though he stays quiet and continues surveying the building. He notices a display of evening dresses and smirks to himself, thinking of Arthur in one. It'd look better than a stuffy old suit _and_ it'd annoy the Brit. Alfred shakes the thought of playing dress up with Arthur out of his head and begins looking at the suits. Such tedious work, finding one he'll _wear_...

"Oi, how about this?" Arthur shows him a suggestion but he shakes his head. 'Hours' pass of this, and by hours it's meant an hour. Alfred exaggerates the time in his head, dramatically acting as if he'll die.

"Artie, I can't take anymore! Just kill me now and use your girlfriend over there to pick out a suit to go to my funeral in, I give up!" He falls onto a nearby chair in one of the fitting rooms.

"Excuse me? You can't bloody give up when you aren't even trying! And girlfriend? What in the name of the Queen are you thinking? Let me tell you something, if you flirt with a pretty girl, you get a reward. I've been getting discounts on suits here for years, I have my eye on someone, just not her. Not that it's your damned business anyhow." Arthur crosses his arms as he leans against the door frame to the fitting room.

Alfred rolls his eyes at the lecture until he catches a certain part of it. _Who the hell would he like? Wait, he actually gets along with someone?_ The American has to suppress a laugh at the thought.

Seeing he'll receive no reply Arthur sighs, motioning for the other to stay, like he'd go anywhere anyway, and walks away. He returns a few minutes later, several outfits in hand. "Time to start trying stuff on, and no arguing this time." He leaves the clothes to the younger and leaves the fitting room to allow him to change.

Minutes pass and finally the Brit won't wait any longer. He knocks on the door just as Alfred opens it. Both are slightly shocked, but the American just hands him back the first suit. "Pants are too small."

Arthur blushes, mind instantly thinking 'Alfred's too _big_.' He takes it and turns away, dismissing the other to go back to trying on clothes. The next few have the same problem, not allowing the lewd thought to exit the Brit's mind. Flustered, he continues supplying him with suits to try on.

Finally, there is a long silence from the dressing room. _Maybe one of them fit?_ Arthur knocks on the door and Alfred opens it, motioning for the other to come in and close the door.

Arthur does, and after locking the door he falls onto the chair, watching the American stare at himself in the mirror with a look of displeasure. "What's wrong with this one?" The sandy blond inquires, finding it to look rather good in fact.

"Hm, it's too stiff..." He stares at his reflection.

"Fine, I'll go find something else." Arthur sighs, knowing he can't explain the concept to the oblivious American. He goes to the door once more, about to unlock it until he feels arms slip around his waist and hot breath on his neck. He feels a sudden rush in his nether regions and blushes, too shocked to even stutter his objections.

"No Artie... I mean _it's too stiff._" He rolls his hips against Arthur's backside and he suddenly understands. Well, he understands that, but not everything else, like _why._

"Pardon me, boy?" Arthur refuses to attempt to look at the other, a rather incriminating blush inching all the way to his neck. "If you wouldn't mind getting off of me so I can slap sense back into you..." He tries to sound threatening enough to make the other realize what he's doing.

Alfred is unhappy with his reaction. Refusing to let go, he nuzzles his way past the Brit's collar and kisses his warm skin, a simper on his lips.

Arthur takes a sharp breath, pressing his forehead to the door as he attempts to pull away from the other.

"Artie, relax." His hot breath ghosts down the smaller's shirt, making him squirm. One of Alfred's hands wanders down to his thigh, every so softly sliding over the fabric.

The sandy blond can feel himself getting hot. No, literally hot, is there no air conditioning in this place? Sweat begins forming on his brow and his breaths become labored at the action of the damned hand. The other hand meanders up to tug at the buttons of his shirt, undoing them one by one. Arthur tries to protest, though at this point his complaints are mere whimpers.

None the less, Alfred pulls back to the Brit's surprise. Too good to be true. He simply flips Arthur around, pressing him to the door with a fierce kiss. More mumbled objections escape Arthur only to be swallowed by the other. Finally, the American pulls back to look at his, a sad pout gracing his own. "Artieeee!" He whines rather loudly. "Come onnn!" His hands outline the terrified man's sides, down to his hips.

"Shh! What the bleeding hell do you think you're doing?" He's panting slightly and the top half of the buttons on his shirt are undone, exposing his chest, which only makes him look irresistible; angry or not. Mindlessly, Alfred continues to unbutton his shirt as the other scolds him with a terrified look. "We're in public!" He whispers angrily so as not to be heard by other customers. "And we're _friends_ at best! Bloody fuck, are you even listening to me you git?" He slaps the hands away just as he pulls the last button from it's hole.

"Iggy, I don't think you want to walk out of here with _that_ on display huh?" He feigns innocence that could rival Feliciano's _actual_ innocence as he palms him, causing a whine to emit from the smaller. "Come on, let me help!" A wide grin covers his face as he dives in for another kiss. He's stopped as his face runs into a hand.

"S..stop that you wanker!" Arthur tries, attempting to sound firm as his face darkens and his voice comes out weak. "Get off of me!" He pulls his shirt closed, not buttoning it but holding it tightly wrapped over his chest.

"Why not~?" Alfred's blue eyes fall to disappointment and confusion.

"W-why not? Tell me aren't serious! This is absolute bilge, Alfred! Rubbish, nonsense!" He can't seem to express how ridiculous the thought of a quick shag in a fitting room is in terms the American will understand. He sighs heavily. "You must be dead from the neck up." He closes his eyes and shakes his head, seeing as Alfred just stares at him.

Alfred on the other hand is obviously losing his moment. As soon as he sees the Brit's eyes close he kisses him again, sliding his tongue into the others mouth as he gasps.

Arthur is about to bite the cursed tongue until a knee presses between his legs and he hears a slutty moan. Alfred pulls back and stares at him, obviously suppressing a smile. _Wait, did that sound come from himself?_ Arthur quickly covers his mouth, emerald eyes wide but Alfred grabs his wrists, pinning them above his head.

"That, Artie, was hot!" He whispers lowly, a smile overtaking his expression. He presses his own growing need to Arthur's thigh and he squirms.

The Brit struggles to think of an argument, but finds none as Alfred's lips find his neck again. He lets out a breath he has unconsciously holding in defeat. He drops his head to the side, gripping the tux coat the other still wore and realizes he should probably take the suit off. Arthur takes the liberty of doing so, pushing the coat over his shoulders. Alfred pulls back with a low laugh. "I knew you'd come around dude."

"No, I don't want that thing ruined, you haven't bought it yet." Alfred rolls his eyes at the retort but strips to his boxers anyhow. Arthur blushes dark once more, seeing his excitement, more so as he feels as if his pants shrunk a size. He needs to get them off, they're starting to hurt something terrible but he doesn't want to seem eager to please either.

Alfred sees the dismay on his face and smirks, returning to the Brit and relieving him of his pants and boxers, though he leaves his shirt in it's place. He falls into the chair, pulling the smaller male on top of him so he's straddling his waist. Arthur glares but it goes unnoticed as Alfred kisses at his chest, tongue teasing his nipples as those damned hands softly rub the insides of his thighs. The Brit lets out a soft noise of pleasure, encouraging the other. "Hurry up." He whines, almost voicelessly and the American is all too happy to comply.

He puts three fingers to Arthur's mouth, who stares at him in slight shock before finally swallowing his pride and taking them in. He twirls his tongue around them whilst sucking lightly and the other moans softly before pulling them out. He pushes Arthur off and bends him over the chair. He kisses along the Brit's small back as he pushes the first in.

Arthur gasps, holding onto the chair but doesn't complain. The other slowly moves his finger until he can add the second. It hurts only a little, it's mostly uncomfortable and Arthur drops his head, leaning back to hurry him along. Another smirk finds its way to the others face and he gladly presses the third in, pushing them as far as they'll go. He moves them faster and Arthur holds the chair tighter, panting slightly. He curls his fingers, careful not to slow his pace until finally the Brit gasps, biting his lip as he grabs the chair even tighter making his hands shake.

"Hurry up you wanker..." He whines quietly, still worried someone will hear them and he'll be banned forever.

"You planning on taking it dry? Hardcore dude, I don't have lube." Alfred laughs and the other smacks him. Trying to hurry, he pushes the American to the floor and sits between his legs. He strokes him through his boxers, watching the blue eyes flutter shut. He pulls off his last piece of Alfred's clothing, kissing his thigh once before taking him into his mouth.

Arthur scowls slightly, reflecting on how he lost this battle and ended up in such a position. He takes as much at the American in as he can, though he's too big to fit whole thing bobbing his head slowly. He blushes, wondering how the hell he'll fit it... He quickly pulls of, and Alfred looks disappointed but both shake their minds clear.

Alfred takes initiative, crawling between the Brit's legs this time and kisses him softly, their tongues finally entering into a mutual battle. He lifts the smaller man's legs up and positions himself at his entrance. Arthur loses the struggle between their tongues as he enters him. He relaxes, trying to adjust to the intruder and pulls back from the others mouth, saliva connecting them.

Alfred doesn't move until the smaller gives a small nod, sitting up further on his hands. He begins a slow pace, attacking the already exhausted Brit's neck and leaving small marks here and there.

When Arthur lets out a soft whine, the American picks up the pace, beginning to sweat and pant. He holds onto his hips as he angles himself and a strangled noise escapes the sandy blond, signaling he found his prostate. Miraculously, he keeps his angle, continuing to hit that spot dead on and both of them are forced to choke on their noises.

Arthur wraps his legs around him, pulling him deeper with each thrust and both of them gasp in pleasure.

Both men are getting close, more obvious as Alfred's hand wraps around the others abandoned member, moving it evenly though his hip's movements become more erratic. Arthur is the first to throw his head back, panting to get enough air as he releases over himself and his friend. His walls tighten around Alfred who lets out an inevitable groan as he shoots his uncomfortably warm seed into the Brit, thrusting a few more times as he rides it out. He pulls out and sits back, never taking his eyes off of Arthur as he licks his hand clean.

Arthur glares at the sickening motion, dismissing him as he dresses himself, wincing at the stickiness. He'll have to do laundry and shower as soon as he gets home...

Alfred, too, redresses himself and puts the suit back on the hanger as he yawns. "Looks like I'm getting this one, it gets me laid and I'm too tired to keep looking." He says rather loudly and laughs after.

A terrified look covers Arthur's face. "Sh-shut up you prat!" And Alfred just laughs more. They compose themselves and head to the register.

The poor Brit wants nothing more than to get out of here, go home though with Alfred staying at his house it could be a problem, and maybe- nope. No, luck isn't on his side today.

"Well hi again! That certainly took a while didn't it? I hope you didn't have any trouble..." The same girl from earlier walks up to ring up the suit for them and a worried look covers her face.

This time, it's Alfred who is overly nice to her, as he's now confident he has no reason to be jealous of her. "Of course not, we found everything just fine! This dude just gets distracted too easily!" He laughs and a defeated and tired look looms on Arthur. "This is a great place by the way, next time I need a suit I'll come here!" He smiles brightly, blue eyes glittering with sincerity. She giggles at him and announces a price.

Arthur pays her, still sulking. "Well, I certainly do hope you come back. I hope your time here was _enjoyable."_ She states slyly with a wink at the pair. Arthur's expression goes beyond petrified and Alfred laughs again, dragging him along.

"Something tells me she heard us." He smiles at the Brit, who looks like he's about to kill him. "Aw don't be that way Iggy!" He pulls him into a kiss and Arthur flails about in his arms, trying to escape. He finally lets him go and they climb into the car, though Alfred insists on driving. "Wanna 'nother go when we get back to your house? We can be as loud as we want there."

"Excuse me you git?" He stares in astonishment at the question. "Is this a joke?"

"I'll take that as a yes!" And with that, along with some ignored yells from the angry Englishman, Alfred speeds off to Arthur's home. Maybe shopping for suits wasn't so bad now that he was older...

_**~K**_

**Hope you enjoyed it! ^,^ I was in the middle of a FrancexPrussia story when this idea hit me (I have no clue why -.-) so I ended up writing this! Hooray! UsUk smut xD**

**Bacon to reviewers, go forth! If you don't like bacon, you shall be rewarded with my eternal gratitude and services! But not in a weird way! Okay, I'm done -.- In short, makes a writer's day, R&R =D**


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